Subjective/Objective Duty

I don’t particularly feel like I have a duty to anyone or anything other than myself. This, as far as I can tell, seems to be a problem. Not only do I think it’s strange, but others also (particularly the ones close to me) aren’t reserved about sharing and expressing their sentiment either.

The concept of duty seems to be a theme that I repeatedly find myself contending with whether I like it or not. Much of the philosophical wisdom I read about often has something to do with one’s innate nature to be driven by duty, or by an obligation to someone, something other than themselves.

I am not driven by these things. I am driven by intrigue and curiosity mainly, admittedly to a fault. These concepts tend to dictate my course of action (within reason of course) more than duty and obligation. But with the amount of importance and attention that is given to these ideas, I feel like I’m missing something. There is also the possibility that I’m in jeopardy of not understanding a fundamental truth about life and about how to act in it, that everyone else seems to comprehend already and without much effort.

That is not to say that I don’t understand right and wrong. I think I have relatively strong fundamentals with regards to proper morals, ethics and virtues. For example, when I have to go to work, or school, or any other scheduled engagement, I’m very punctual and show up on time to do what I signed up for. When my parents ask me for help with something, or a friend wants some advice or guidance, I’m generally always happy to help. I get the concept of duty, it’s something along the lines of “fulfilling your obligations.” The difference between me and most people is that is that I’d rather minimize my obligations than be primarily motivated by them. To me, they come second to my own wellbeing, and if I find myself in a situation where that is being compromised, I will make changes as necessary and put myself first. I suppose maybe this makes me a selfish person, or even a sociopath by some people’s standards. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. I certainly don’t think so.

Many questions about how to proceed in life seem not to be a dilemma of what to do, or can they be done, but rather should they be done. It’s often said that one should “follow their heart” in order to know which way to proceed, or be lead by an innate feeling within the gut, as in “I know what I have to do.” Seemingly unfortunately, I have difficulty relating to the efficacy of such methods. While I do sometimes have these feeling, they do little more than confuse me, let alone clarify anything. It’s like trying to figure out which way is up while riding a gyroscope.

The ideas of duty and obligation appear to me, as far as I can tell, to be completely subjective and indicative that there is no universal, objective answer to these dilemmas. For example, I could spend the rest of my day writing and reading because it feels like there is no better use of my time at present. After all, they’re sustainably enjoyable, these things help me clarify my own ideas and calm my mind, and they might even offer some value to some someone else in the process. I could, and often do, invest a great amount of time and energy into these venture, but when it’s all said and done, would it be the most appropriate course of action, or would I have served myself and in turn unknowingly turned a blind eye to duty? Questions such as these plague me, and orbit around and around in my head like a delirious contradiction, ad nauseum.

Perhaps it has less to do with duty per se, and more to do with concepts like character and responsibility. There-in might be the answer. It just might be that if I can correctly define responsibilities, that I would consequently become aware of my duties and fulfill said obligations. But then again, it begs the question…Am I responsible to myself or something bigger? I would imagine the answer is “something bigger,” although what that is at this exact moment, I’m not sure. Maybe that’s where I should look, along with a deep dive into my character. One step at a time though…